Tough moments

Yesterday was both good and bad.  I took a lovely drive in the country to run an errand for my daughter.  The weather was picture-postcard-perfect. I wanted to stay out there.

On the way home, I needed to stop by my house/former B&B to pick something up.  We no longer live there, as we moved out when we thought we had a buyer. Well, grief overwhelmed me as I walked through the empty house. And guilt. I had a long cry, against my wishes but there it was. These are roses and oregano I picked from my unattended garden before I left.

Today I stumbled across this poem I wrote a few months ago, when all this was finally unraveling.

Days of Dream

December 10, 2010

The Days of Dream are now at end

The shattered pieces lie

In disarray, pierced through my heart

Why did it have to die?

The wait was long, the climb was hard

To reach the treasured peak

It seems I’d only just begun

And barely got to peak

At what I thought would be so grand

A passion lived to serve

The plans laid out, a joyous start --

Then Life threw out its curve.

A future gone, hard work for naught

It’s never what we think

Vision cradled and nurtured through --

Not foreseeing such a kink.

The taste is bitter, this demise

Alas the Dream now racks

My waking time with baneful thoughts

Of emptiness and lack.

The tears I thought had all dried up

Continue yet to flow

When will they end, these acid drops,

Proclaims my heart of woe!

The Lord does say to carry on

And persevere ‘til end

He never leaves us, nor forsakes --

Our broken hearts He’ll mend

Lift up thine eyes unto the hills

For therein comes thy aid

Look not toward low or evil things

Blessed promises He has made.

For He alone can right the wrongs

And make all things anew

Restoring hope to heartsick souls

As only He can do.

---------------------------

I don't want to look back, but the current emptiness haunts me. It makes it difficult to look for a job that in my heart-of-hearts I don't TRULY want. I want what I had. Obviously God has other plans. I wish He'd speak louder and more often sometimes, but that isn't the way He seems to work. Bump...

This is hysterical, but it's all how you look at it.

Watch this first, then come back and read the rest. It doesn't matter that it isn't in English; you'll get the point.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBDQPYcyjqs

Many of you have probably seen this before as it made the rounds in emailed jokes. I laughed my head off the first time I saw it.  Now having watched the video, perhaps you will understand why I compare myself to the driver in the car.

I was zooming along, thinking life was grand and all was well then...completely unexpectedly, I hit a "bump in the road" and went flying into the air, end over end, not knowing which end was up (I know which one of MY ends was up). 

Kaboom! Crash landing! Did the driver make it out alive? Did the driver collect a nice insurance payment and buy a really cool new car? Or did the driver break every bone in his/her body and end up in a coma or worse? We don't know. But the end of the video is not the end of the story (metaphorically speaking). I'm right there....flipped end over end, having crash landed, waiting to see how I fare after hitting this "bump in the road." I hope I laugh too when I look back. That would be grand.

Cool lyrics

I came across a song this morning while contemplating what I was going to write about for Day 2 in my "30 day" blog challenge. While this may not be my particular taste in music, I love the lyrics! I never heard of Erik Hassle, but then...I'm "over the hill". It's called "Bump in the Road" (apropos, don'tcha think?)

We all must go through it sometime
You were not the first, you know
You stick your head in the sunshine
Don't expect the worst, though
If a bird can sing with a broken wing
You'll learn to bend when the wind blows
The leaves may fall, but the trees stay tall
This is a bump in the road
Don't give up, you will make it
Don't give up, you will make it
We all must go through it sometime
You were not the first, you know
Love got more hooks than a fish line
Believe it hurts, oh-ooh
If a bird can sing with a broken wing
You'll learn to bend when the wind blows
The leaves may fall, but the trees stay tall
This is a bump in the road
Don't give up, you will make it
Don't give up, you will make it
Out of the dark
Into the light
Over the edge
Over your life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFxE8WoWXb0

I had a "spell" last evening...started to worry about not being able to find a job, how to pay the bills, blah, blah, blah. Have you ever gotten really tired of YOU? Man, the saying "wherever you go, there you are" is so true. Obviously Jesus knew this, since He tells us so many times NOT TO WORRY. I'm glad I have many wonderful resources to help kick me in the pants when I "go there".  My husband is an encourager; sometimes I really don't want to hear it even though I know he's right. Some days I just get tired of stubbing my toes on the "bumps in the road". But He is my hope!

"When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you."

"When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

The flames will not set you ablaze."

For I am the Lord, your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...

Isaiah 43:2-3

We're gonna have bumps in the road, but He will be with us always. Ahhhhhh.

Gotta have faith

After much encouragement, I am taking the "30 day challenge"...the blog challenge that is. I am not going to promise I will blog EVERY SINGLE DAY because I'm not sure I can be all that interesting each and every day. But, I'll give it a go!

Yesterday was Easter Sunday. I was on my own for the day, so I visited a small local church before heading off to spend the remainder of the day with my 3 grown children and their dad (my ex...that's another story). I believe we often end up where we are supposed to be and that was my take-away from my visit to this particular church. The quote I wrote down, which may just become my 'motto' of sorts is this: I believe God will do what's right concerning me.

I have no doubt that God can do all things, but my doubt lies more in the "will He" do something I prayed for. God is God, and I am not. Therefore, in order to truly trust Him in all things, I must believe that He WILL do what's right concerning me. This gives me great comfort. A simple phrase for sure, but one that speaks volumes to me. I'm gonna write it everywhere my face often gazes at (the mirror is NOT one of those places people)! Most often it is the computer screen or alas, the TV these days. Nope, I'll refrain from putting it there. I'd be sure to receive a most quizzical look from the spouse. Thank goodness the refrigerator isn't one of them either...ok, most days.

I am calling this blog "Bumps in the Road" because that is what I believe this particular season is in my life...a bump in the road. Feels like a mountain to me most days, but in the big picture I know I'll look back and realize it was a bump. We all have 'em. I may just ask you to share some of yours with me and how they turned out for you. I can't wait to look back and reflect on what particular 'season' is next for me...I'm anxious for the 'winter' to be over.

I once wrote a poem and I recite it to myself from time to time:

There is no rhyme or reason
There is no asking why.
The mysteries of life
aren't revealed until we die.
So walk the narrow pathway,
you'll stumble as you go.
Faith says the Guiding Hand
is more loving than you know.

To us, many things make no sense at all. God has a purpose and a plan for all of us. Just trust that He will do what's right concerning you too my friends.